Parents Perspective
Parents sign up their kids for soccer for various reasons:
- to get exercise
- to meet friends and develop social interactions
- to play the sport they themselves played or still play
- to live their dreams of soccer success through their kids
- to develop the competitive nature of the child
Most reasons are focussed on the child or the parent, hardly do parents have their kids join a team with the goal of doing what's best for the team. In a way, a team with 16 players is composed of 16 self interest groups. There is nothing wrong with it, it's human nature to want the best for one's children. It's an extraordinary human trait to subordinate what's best for oneself to the greater good, i.e. the team.
Unfortunately, the various interests of the parents express themselves in behaviour such as complaining about the child's playing time, criticizing the coach for his practice content, her game strategy, substitution plans. Quite often like minded parents join ranks and grumble together about the coach.
Fortunately. there are parents who understand the team concept. They volunteer for team jobs such as refreshments, host team parties and help the coach during practices.
Coach's Perspective
Most coaches are volunteers, with or without a child on the team. The coach's major concern is the development and success of the team as a whole, not the happiness of each individual family. Good coaches make plans for team development and individual development, but at game time, the goal is to win the game. The exception to that would be recreational leagues where game scores and standings are not kept.
Coaches start the season with great intentions and are not always well equipped to deal with the self interest groups described above. Just like parents, there is diversity within coavhes. Unfortunately, there are coaches who consider themselves mini-dictators and are abrasive towards parents and kids, particularly in the heat of the moment of an important game.
Fortunately, there are coaches who are skilled and trained in dealing with the people side of running a team.
The Grid
One of the following situations is bound to occur in every team:
Good Coach/Good Parents: a good experience for all
Good Coach/Bad Parents: frustrating for coach, may lose interest
Bad Coach/Good Parents: frustrated parents who may not come back
Bad Coach/Bad Parents: war
The Solution
We recommend that every coach writes down his goals for the team and each player. The coach also needs to be clear and write down his coaching style and philosophy. A pre-season meeting between coach and all parents is recommended for the coach to set the expectations for the parents, the kids, the team and the season. A pre-season meeting between coach and each individual player with parent(s) is also recommended. The coach then needs to follow up as the season progresses in communicating frequently on how he/she views the season unfolding and any changes being made to the coaching style and philosophy. Feedback on the development of each player is important. Honesty in the communication is key. If you're a dictator-coach, be open about it. If you are a parent whose key concern is playing time for the child, tell the coach.
It is really important to keep lines of communication open, even if it is difficult.
The overriding concern ultimately must be to provide the kids with the opportunity to learn, grow, develop and have fun. Some of these lessons may mean learning how to serve the team by being a great substitute. No harm for the kids - most of the ball contact should be in practice anyways.
It is a challenge to maintain harmony, not just between players, but also between coach and parents.
Good luck!
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